Hey everyone, how are you?
It could be a different twenty four hours as I have a hard decision to make.
There is a chance that it will not happen, but with how I have been lately, I have the option of asking to go into a place called The Haven. It’s a step away from hospitalisation, where I can be kept for up to twenty three hours. It is different, in that they have no powers to detain and I can leave at any time. And at the moment of writing I am not going to ring for a referral. But it is on my record and all I need to do is to ring the emergency mental health service and ask. But I feel okay enough to stay at home for the moment and that is a good thing. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, weekends and evenings are the worst time for me, so it will be interesting what this evening brings and where I am when this blog goes live at midnight. But for the time being, I need to figure out how to get myself out of this depressive downer.
I have never been hospitalised before, although I have gone to A&E in the past, but have been sent home after being assessed. The last time was a number of years ago. It is not a decision that I am going to take lightly, as I want to make sure that I am doing the right thing and not rush into anything. If I do not go into The Haven, then I will just be spending the rest of the weekend at home and trying to write and drum like I normally do. I managed to do some drumming yesterday, but did not get any writing done. I had a phone call from the emergency mental health services and all being well, I will next hear from them on Monday. It was a interesting call, in that, they are trying to think of ways to help me get out of this depressive downer. But all the things that they are suggesting are things that I would not normally do and would cause me more anxiety in the long run. So, at one point it was like going around in circles, but I am happy that they called as it is good to have the support professionally.
So, I really don’t know what is going to happen today. I don’t want to have to go to The Haven, but it maybe a case of needs must. I am going to focus on not going as that would be a more positive thing to do. And look at the distractions that I have at home. I want to spend the day writing and drumming and maybe get in some gaming. The only other thing that is stopping me is being in constant physical pain. It is feeding into my mental pain and it is becoming a viscous cycle. I hope that the physical pain lessens and that I can do more. As the painkillers that I have to take do make me dopey and that makes me want to stay in bed and sleep and stops that motivation to get up and do something, such as writing.
Thank you for reading and I hope that you have a good day.