Decisions Decisions

Hey everyone, how are you?

I have a hard decision to make about this morning and I am not sure what to do.

Today

I had an email yesterday about my friend who died the other month. The funeral is today and the family is allowing people from the recovery centre to join via a link. The thing is we had a memorial for him as a community the other week and I thought that the funeral had already happened. So, I am unsure if I want to attend the funeral, as I feel I have already grieved and been to a memorial. I don’t want to dig up feelings that I have already dealt with. On the other hand, I feel as though I ought to be there because he was a mate. And I know that I will feel bad if I don’t go. The other thing that is stopping me is that currently because of my medication increase I am very tired and dopey still on the morning. And I am falling back asleep, and I don’t want to do that in the middle of the service. It’s a decision that I am going to make in the morning and allow myself to sleep on it.

After the service, I will have some time to reflect and chill and maybe write before I have my key work session in the afternoon. The key work session I am looking forward to, as there are some things that I want to talk about with my key worker. Things that have been on my mind, for example, yesterday I went from relaxed and chilled to having one meeting and being completely drained and stressed out by it. And I don’t know why. I know that it maybe the medication increase and I do acknowledge that I am still fragile from my depressive downer and that it will not take a lot to put me back into one. I don’t know, things are just getting very overwhelming very easily.

During the afternoon there is also the art group being done online. I don’t know if I am going. It will depend on whether I go to the funeral in the morning and then have my key work session. It will be a lot of time in online meetings and a lot of screen time. I know that I will potentially feel very drained and that will make me very snappy and tired. So, it will all depend on what I decide to do in the morning. During all of this I need to get some writing and drum practice in as well. It is going to be a busy day. I will be glad when it is the evening as I will have some time to zone out for a while, maybe put some music on and just chill out. I do want to get in some more reading as well in the evening.

Thank you for reading and I hope that you have a good day.

Annette

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